One flesh for better and worse

     In Theology of the Body we are attempting to understand our faith within the metaphor of marriage and relationships. In a recent post I wrote on how the Law is not meant to give us a reputation as the Pharisees sometimes treated it.  Instead, we learn to let people sometimes think ill of us, as Jesus did. Within the marriage analogy, we also learn that becoming one flesh with our spouse can both build up and sometimes also break down “our reputations.”

     For instance, my husband often makes me look good with his generosity and thoughtfulness, qualities sorely lacking in me. He, though, is pretty much a regular at the Hallmark store. And then he tells me what to write in those greeting cards or gifts and makes me deliver them—so guess who they think initiated that gift! On the other side, when he shows up at meetings late because he had to wash his own clothes, he looks bad instead of where the fault really lay with me.

     Marriage doesn’t always make us look good and we have to come to grips with the fact that there will be times when it makes us look particularly bad. Likewise, the reality is that marriage is a mine-field. We have to learn to navigate around each others’ touchy areas. We will have miscommunications. There will be times when we think we’re just saying “thanks” and our spouse interprets it as the complete opposite! But we have to learn to die to “our reputations” and our “rightness” if we are going to hold the peace and unity of the relationship as most important. “Yes, you’re right. I messed up. I'm sorry,” is usually a very good answer when charges are brought against us, even if we know that we are not completely at fault and really want to justify ourselves. And this also is the only way of experiencing that “faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:6).